


tear in your hand

by themorninglark



Category: Free!
Genre: Friendship, Gen, S2E14, Sou-chan learns about friendship, Sousuke introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 04:18:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4421045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themorninglark/pseuds/themorninglark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Letting go is okay. It's never been about <em>always together</em>.</p><p>It's only when he comes back that he learns: letting go was the easy part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tear in your hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [charcoalsuns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcoalsuns/gifts).



> This is for Cam, kind, thoughtful, and an all round most wonderful person whom I am fortunate to know. ONE DAY LATE BUT - happy birthday! ♥
> 
> (Title: Tori Amos' song of the same name.)

_“Hey, Sousuke.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“You had fun today, didn’t you?”_

_“…we lost the damn game.”_

_“Fuck yeah. Also, shut up. You know what I mean.”_

 

//

 

There’s an earthy, uncomplicated kind of rawness in their friendship. There’s always been, and that’s the way Sousuke likes it; he’s not a fanciful person, and he doesn’t like to try too hard. It feels fake.

It’s easy to be friends with someone like Rin, who keeps all his doors and windows flung open to let in the light. Sometimes, it catches on his tears and makes them glisten, bright on his cheeks. Rin lets them shine. He is who he is, heart cracked wide. He makes no apologies.

When they are eight, they race each other in the pool for the first time. Sousuke loses, because Rin’s got the jump on him by a few years, when it comes to swimming, but fair’s fair - a loss is a loss - and he buys Rin a Pocari Sweat from the vending machine, like they agreed. In their world of winners, losers and best friends, things are simple.

When they are eleven, they do not say goodbye. They say, _see you later_ , and when they are twelve, they say it again.

 

/

 

Rin leaves, and Sousuke leaves too, after a while.

Letting go is okay. It’s never been about _always together_.

This is the blueprint of Sousuke’s searching, surging, a kind of ragged emotion that’s rough around the edges. For years, he sought solace in the breathing spaces of his solitude.

It’s only when he comes back that he learns: letting go was the easy part.

 

/

 

All of Rin’s friends from Iwatobi -

They’re pieces of him, pieces that Rin has found and put together, painstakingly; and of course that’s the sort of stupid romantic thing Rin would do. He wouldn’t even think about it. Sunlight looks so much more dazzling when it’s streaming in through shards of stained glass.

Pieces of Rin that Sousuke only touched in passing, because, back then, he hadn’t yet figured out the art of _coming together_. Like ships in the night, they sailed past each other, once, twice. They shared the wind in their sails and an unspoken bond, for a while.

Now, all he can do is let himself unfold, slowly, with his sandpaper touch and the grit embedded in his palms.

He tries to understand, to re-learn things. He struggles, sometimes.

(He knows, though, that this is something he needs to do, even if he doesn’t really get why, and he keeps it burning inside him, like a fire when all else goes dark. He needs _something_ to be determined about, now.)

 

/

 

The school year passes far too quickly. Sousuke watches each moment tick by, knows, in his heart, that it isn’t just swimming between him and Rin any more, and it _can’t_ be, any more. Even if he wanted it to.

Perhaps, Rin doesn’t want it to be that way. Perhaps he never had.

These are their currents, the waves that they crest; fistbumps and bets and throwdowns over _jan-ken-pon_ , and, inevitably, the rest of Rin’s life, because some things are more important to both of them than winning, now. So little by little, he collects facts and stores them away. His memory’s always been good.

He knows that Tachibana likes cats and is frightened of, it sounds like, damn near everything. He listens to Rin gripe absently about being dragged to the mall by Nagisa, because no one else wants to watch the new rom-com with him. He hears from Gou that Ryugazaki Rei, the new guy with the glasses, is a math nerd (but with exceptional deltoids).

He doesn’t need to hear about Nanase. Everything about him is still infuriating.

But even then -

Slowly, infuriating or not, they’re becoming pieces of him too.

 

/

 

He sips his cola, under a balmy autumn sky. Leans his weight back on his arms, palms to the ground, and glances at Rin, who’s thrown himself down next to him with a scowl on his face.

“Thank fuck,” Rin pronounces, “I’m wearing a butler costume this year.”

Sousuke raises an eyebrow.

“They’re coming down. For the festival. Can you believe it? I told them not to come last year, and they listened… ah, whatever. It’s okay this year, I guess.”

Sousuke sees Rin start to relax with a sigh, the hint of a smile on his lips. It’s always okay in the end, he’s learned, with Rin and his friends.

“By the way, you have to wear one too. A butler costume.”

Sousuke frowns. “That sounds troublesome.”

“You don’t have a choice. _Captain’s orders._ ” Rin grins.

“What if I cook? Then I can wear whatever I want, right?”

“ _You?_ ”

“Sure,” Sousuke says, with a shrug. “You don’t have a chef yet. A maid cafe needs food.”

“I didn’t know you knew how to cook.”

“I’m full of surprises,” says Sousuke, dryly.

Rin snorts. “That’s _two_ things you have in common with Haru.”

 

/

 

In the end, he surprises himself, most of all, by trying to take the first step. The little lilt to Makoto’s answering smile when he says _Call me Makoto_ is light and easy.

He thinks he’ll never get used to the sound of _Sou-chan,_ even as he takes a tentative bite of the suspicious bun. It really isn’t too bad.

When he explains Rei’s own trap to him, a confident smirk breaks out on his face.

And then there’s Nanase.

 

September is a season of last hopes, a season of impossibilities; where, even as the leaves turn brown and the chill on the wind smells of persimmons and ripening summer, there’s always some warmth to be found somewhere.

Today, they find it in a brilliant sunset on the horizon, and the crackling of a schoolyard bonfire.

Rin’s laughter lights up the night. It is the brightest thing in this place.

 

//

 

In the end, Rin falls asleep before Sousuke can say anything else.

He’s always been restless like that. Awake one second, talking a mile a minute; the next, drifting off, counting sharks under his breath with a low mumble. More than once, Sousuke’s nodded off with that particular lullaby in his ears.

But tonight, there’s only the sound of his breathing. It’s quiet and steady. Perhaps Rin didn’t need to hear his answer, after all.

He already knows it.

_You know what I mean._

In the safety of the dark, Sousuke closes his eyes, and smiles.

 


End file.
